Leave it to me to go on a weekend getaway to North Carolina and (1) accidentally show up to a cuckhold and (2) unknowingly end up on a conservative gun shop’s parade float. Here’s how it all went down:
When your best friend invites you down South for Memorial Day weekend and asks you to be on a parade float, you don’t say no to these things — especially when you learn you’ll be riding down the street on the back of a Vietnam War-era “duece and a half” military cargo truck. But imagine my surprise when I show up to the town’s Memorial Day festivities and BAM! out rolls the Goose Lake Gun Shop* banner. An hour later and we’re parading through town, a Holy Bible float with cheerleaders for Jesus in front, some Mountain Dew sippin’ Boy Scouts behind us and Civil War reenactors leading the charge. I think the liberal gal in me handled it pretty well — that is, until shouts of “Long live the Confederacy!” could be heard from the crowds, at which point the half-black girl in me was like, “OH NAH.” It’s probably just a Southern pride thing that I’ll never quite comprehend, but talk about having a moment where you really appreciate where you’re from!
Later that afternoon, my friend Rita and I are drove up to the mountains for a few days in Asheville to explore the Arts District; visit the Biltmore; and, of course, unintentionally end up at a cuckhold. If you take a quick peek at the Travels section of my blog menu bar, you’ll notice the Roadside America section. I thought I’d check out The Odditorium, a quirky dive bar in Asheville that is on Roadside America’s North Carolina list of attractions because of its freak shows and oddities. Our Uber driver pulled up the venue and what do we see? A sign about a cuckhold and two humans in neon wigs and leather assless chaps hopping out a truck. I barely had a chance to peek around the place before our dad-like driver gave us a, “I don’t think this is a place for you two ladies” and backed out the parking lot.
Instead, we spent the night guzzling down dranks at Ben’s Tune Up and Wicked Weed, which was a really good time, though now that I think of it, The Odditorium probably would’ve been an even more wildly crazy, fun night.
… All of these good moments in a state I’ve claimed to “hate” over the last seven years… I hate to admit when I’m wrong (mostly because I know Rita will be reading this), but North Carolina was a nice little surprise and I think I’ll be back soon!
*Gun shop name withheld for sake of best friend